Loving Spankings - Part II

Loving Spankings are considered the prerogative of parents in every U.S. state, except Minnesota. Several adults who experienced loving spankings share their poignant memories. It is stories like these, which gives the most accurate and significant information to formulate an understanding of this common practice.

Since I wrote 'Loving Spankings,' others have come forward to share their experiences. [See article URL below.]

 

"I am stunned after reading Carole's description of her maternal spankings from her mother. Someone who shares the same deep secret as myself, who has described it so perfectly. The term "Loving Spankings" I have never heard before so describes what also happened to me in my youth both at my aunts and with a grade 4 female teacher. I too was spanked for many years in what Carole's has so described. It has been a deep secret for me for many years of my life suppressed in my years as a young man I believe because of shame. I spent summers at my aunts from age 4-12 and regular spankings, for all those years, was the norm for her.

 

Those were times I believe of very mixed emotions for me. Also sessions of spankings from a grade 4th teacher for one year was also mixed in the scenario of my youth. All my life spanking has been an issue that brings a strange feeling of attraction and repulsion. The attraction being something that makes me feel shame. It has never gone away and I feel that the flashbacks of those times that are so vivid I need to deal with but do not know how to.

 

I just live with it. I have felt that really I just have to live with it. Maybe some kind of counseling might help but the shame really makes me stay away from that direction. I do feel for Carole and the problems that occurred as a result....." David"...This is a problem that many of us suffer from. I like the fact that you are pro-active in telling parents not to spank their children. Hopefully one day soon, it will be illegal in our country for any adult to hit any child.

 

Until then, I hope that more of us will spread the news to parents that it is wrong, wrong, wrong, to spank children and that they could be setting their children up for sexual dysfunction for the rest of their lives." Katie

"The emotional scar embedded deep within my soul left from the last time my Father hit me has subconsciously contributed to the form and shape of the person who I am today.

 

I did not come to this realization until I raised my hand in anger to strike my own little girl. The shock and fear in her huge tear-filled blue eyes brought all the raw emotions I felt when my Father slapped me rushing throughout my body and into the pit of my stomach. I felt severe anxiety and painful nausea at the same time. Thank GOD for watching out for my children, for at that moment I walked out of the room and swore I would never hit them. The fear and anger I felt was almost overwhelming. I vowed to never strike my children.

 

I would never make them feel as I felt as a child.

At 39 years old, the slap across my face my Father gave me no longer hurts my body, but I could almost pee my pants, again, when I think of the incident. At age 14, urinating on myself due to fear of my Father has proven to have tremendous lifelong psychological impacts. To this day I still tell myself, "I deserved it. I should have not talked back. I should not have argued with him." This experience was formative in my development in the fact that it changed the way I raise my children.

Generations of violence, spanking with a belt or bare hands on bare bottoms, and humiliation techniques, such as, "What are you Stupid" are ending and parents are taking on a new comprehensive holistic approach to parenting. Practicing non violent communication instead of force and control to educate and guide our children through this precious journey of life. Rather than saying "good job," I observe and describe the situation or behavior. I do not use fear or intimidation to get my children to cooperate. Every chance I hear an argument between siblings I take advantage of the opportunity to have an enriched learning experience by communicating through the issue and initiating the children to come up with the solution. Our household tolerates absolutely no spanking or yelling. Although I must say, I have a loud voice and I have to work on this one." Name withheld by request

 

Alice Miller stated, "Traumata stored in the brains but denied by our conscious minds will always be visited on the next generation. If parents say: "Spanking didn't do me any harm," they will do the same to their offspring without a second thought. But if they can see that the treatment of their parents mutilated their lives, they will try to spare their children from the same destiny, they will look for information and will not want to be blocked in denial and ignorance."

 

Spanking/hitting/switching/whipping/paddling--a.k.a. corporal punishment can weaken the survivor's immune system according to Dr. Frank Putnam of the National Institute of Mental Health and Dr. Martin Teicher of Harvard Medical School. Putnam conducted studies for seven years of 170 girls, 6-15 years old--half had been subjected to 'corporal punishment,' half had not. The girls, who experienced physical punishment displayed symptoms such as:

 

o Abnormally high stress hormones, which can kill neurons in brain areas crucial for thinking and memory

o High levels of an antibody that weaken the immune system

Teicher completed a series of brain studies on 402 children and adults, many of whom had been physically abused. His finds revealed that physical abuse creates:

o Arrested growth of the left hemisphere of the brain which can hamper development of language and logic

 

o Growth of the right hemisphere of the brain (the site for emotion) at an abnormally early age
The result of a weakened immune system includes more profound as well as seldom recognized physical aftereffects such as: vaginal, ovarian, prostate, testicular or breast cancer, PMS, MS, fibromyalgia, lupus, asthma, hypertension, ulcers to name a few of the most prominent illness as a result of a weak immune system due to physical punishment.

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